~The reason for the season~

So much has been going on in our lives lately, that when it finally calmed down enough today- I knew I needed to update a post on here for any of those that may stumble upon here anymore. There have been so many exciting changes in our lives. As expected, the Army decided it had been too long since we set up house in MD- and Matt received orders to Fort Bragg, NC. Luckily, we have both lived in this area of NC before, so it was a move we were happy to do. Even more exciting, we decided it was time to put down permanent roots, we bought our first home! After many hours of searching, Matt found us a home that is perfect- it's absolutely beautiful, with a nice yard- which makes it Daphney approved!:) However...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't very apprehensive going into the house buying process. I apologize in advance for the "dreary" tone of these next couple senteces. In honesty, these are the types of things I typically filter from most everyone, but after thinking often about this- I felt guilty for being stingy. Truthfully, these are the moments where I'm most able to share the light that God has been able to shine in my life despite the darkness of this illness, and keeping it to myself, I was being stingy with the very thing some may need to hear. Similar to the way that if I knew the cure to cancer I would be sharing it with anyone and everything for it's life saving potential, I feel the need to share this information with all of you as well. This is one of those times it crept from the back corner of my mind to the forefront, that monster. That monster that unfortunately has established residency in my brain- cancer. Almost every time we mentioned looking at houses, I had instantly had that thought "How can we even think of buying a house? What if I'm not here long enough to actually live in this house? How can I possibly fathom getting this house, and stick Matt with a huge loan when I'm gone? Why even bother finding my dream home- I should just be content in a basic rental for the time I have here" I allowed these thoughts to continue to bully me, and steal the joy from one of my biggest dreams. Key words there, I allowed these thoughts. Regardless of how well versed you are in the bible, what version you read, or whatever denomination of Christianity you believe in- it's really no secret that scripture states there are power in our words, and also that our mind is the greatest weapon we can hand over to the enemy. Growing up, my mom had relentlessly told me "If you want to sit around and mope, then that's how things will continue, negatively. Being upset is no reason to be unpleasant- count your blessings and you will see things get better". This is one of many times I am sure in my adult life I will begrudgingly admit, my parents were right. As I mentioned earlier, I was allowing these thoughts to corrupt my life and steal my joy. Yes, there is darkness in my life. I was diagnosed with this horrid hereditary disease, it had progressed to cancer, I did have to have the nasty chemicals of chemo pulsing through my veins, I underwent a challenging surgery that has forever changed my "normal" and what I see when I look in the mirror. But, that's not where my story ends. Not unless I chose for it to be. When I actually stepped back to look at my situation, these dark times are where God has shown brightest in my life. I have this ugly disease FAP, but God lined me up with doctors at Johns Hopkins, which also happens to be where some of the top FAP doctors are located; I had cancer, but that doesn't mean I have to act like I STILL do. In fact, the latest tests show that I am still healthy and I am about to come up on 2 years of disease free. Beyond that, I am quite possibly the healthiest I have been, undoubtedly much more active, and much more aware and watchful of what I am putting in my body. Unfortunately, I did have to go through those chemo treatments, but God's hand saw me through each of those treatments without major complications, and thankfully I barely have any neauropathy lingering this winter! (*Those of you that have dealt with neuropathy know that this last statement alone is praise worthy enough. haha:) I did undergo the Jpouch surgery, but God blessed me by putting me in the hands of a very skilled surgeon, Dr. Medich, who continues to be a god-send and helps me still to this day. After the challenges I faced recovering, I can say now that I can do pretty much anything I would like to, and when meeting a stranger on the street, they don't "see" anything from my surgery to make any preemptive judgements. Again, knowing so many other warriors that have fought this battle and had less favorable results, I know this is something to give thanks for.I have also secured a job that I enjoy, working with children again- and I have even lined up a few interviews with public elementary schools! As intimidating as it is to dip my toes back into the world of teaching, it's also very exciting to know that opportunity is on the horizon! So as you can see, in a nutshell, I had no reason to not pursue my dream of owing my own house. God has healed me, and has continued to release blessings on me and my family. Once I chose to recognize and focus on this and verbalize it, I saw things come into a much better perspective. Yes, the sickness could come back, but that is a bridge I will cross and deal with at that time if need be. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the gift that God has brought into my life, our new home that has opened a whole new adventure for us! Okay- coming back down from cloud nine... Although I am basking in the joy of the blessings in my life- that doesn't mean I am escaping the realities of my life as well. Unfortunately, as an FAP patient and cancer survivor, to some degree my calendar will always be marked with doctors appointments and tests. With the coming of the new year-- will also bring my next scans and bloodwork, as well as basically my annual "FAP check up", checking every nook and cranny of my body. Can we say anxiety? Add to that the fact that I will be switching doctors due to the move, and it gets even better. Just another time to put this "mind over matter" approach to the test, huh? If you could keep me in your prayers around that time I would appreciate it, and I promise to update and let you know how it all goes! I hope you all are getting ready for the holidays and preparing to spend time with your families! As for us, Matt and I will be making our Christmas trip, stopping in both PA and Indiana to see our families- I am so excited to be feeling well enough to enjoy every minute of it, and not having to rush back for treatment! Wishing you all a blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”